This Christmas season does not have to be completely stressful. In fact, you can release society’s expectation to do too much, with too little time with too few resources and LOVE the holidays instead! On today’s episode for FU-CHAAA FRIDAY I share the Resiliency Ninja approach to six weeks of hustle and bustle.

Stress-Free Holidays – Podcast Transcript by Resilience Expert Allison Graham

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Allison Graham: Welcome back to the resiliency ninja podcast. I’m your host, Allison Graham, and today’s episode of Cha Fridays is all about, how can you have a stress free holiday season? And you’re
thinking, nope, it can’t be done, but I believe it can be. So I’m going to give you some strategies and tools and ideas, just maybe even little shifts on your expectations for yourself and others
around you that can make this season just that more much more enjoyable for you. Now, I know I celebrate Christmas and some of you do not, and I think that this time of year can have pressure on
everybody, regardless of the religious affiliation. So I just wanted to say that out of the gate and something that can really help you as you’re going through this and you’re preparing for the
intensity that comes in December, is to review my concept of the continuum of challenges, because I talk about the difference between stress obstacles and adversity, and when you can take all the

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problems you’re facing and split them into those three categories, what happens is it puts you in control, and it shows you where you need to spend your effort and focus your your time on Dealing with
the obstacles and finding workarounds to the things that you have to get done without having all the extra emotion, which is a lot of what causes our unhealthy stress, the worrying about everything
that has to get done, the, you know, trying to avoid the toxic people who are. You know, you spend all year staying away from and then, you know, Christmas time, you’ve got to sit at the dinner table
with them, or whatever the case may be, whatever it is that’s stressing you out. We want to figure out what are those triggers, figure out the obstacles that you can deal with that are within your
control, and then enjoy the season. So a couple things I think we want to start with is just the expectation of understanding your to do list. And I know that, you know, I don’t even call it a to do

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list. I call it a task list and a to do circle, because it just keeps going round and round and round and round. But here, here’s what boggles my mind about this time of year is that most of you are
already living highly busy, highly stressful lives, and all of a sudden, we’ve got six weeks leading up to December, to Christmas, and now what you’ve done is you’ve added on all these extra
responsibilities that you know Two months ago, you didn’t have enough time to sit down and watch a Hallmark movie, let alone now you’ve got to bake cookies and clean the house and decorate the house
and go to people’s parties, and there’s more work, increased pressure and networking events and all of this stuff that just it just doesn’t end. And so the first thing I’m going to ask you to do is,
if you add a task, delete a task. Now, it doesn’t have to be one for one, but trying to get your perspective around the idea that if you’re adding something to into your already overloaded To Do List,

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something has to give. Something has to go down the other side, or you’re going to head to burnout. And it’s such a shame that over the holidays, people like need a vacation from having the holiday
the time off because they’re working so hard. So how can you delete things? One just because it’s an expectation to have perfect floors or whatever you know your your world is that whatever your frame
of reference is doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to buy into it and believe it’s accurate. Maybe you just let something go. So instead of cleaning your floors every day or every other day, maybe
you do it once a week. The next thing you can do is ask for help. Now you can do this in two ways. You can hire help. So if you know, maybe you don’t have somebody who cleans your house all year long,
but maybe over the holidays, this is the time that once a week, you need to bring somebody else in external and allow that to happen. And sure, they may not do it as well as you do, but sometimes it’s

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about letting those go. So hiring help finding things. So maybe, if you don’t love baking cookies, you don’t have to take fresh homemade cookies to every party you go to buy them. Who cares when you
get there? Nobody remembers who did the baking anyway. So it’s okay. You can. You can just say no. So you can hire things like that out, or you can ask your family and friends and other people
involved in the like, if you’re, if you’re having the big feast dinner at your house, then you might be, you know, responsible for everything. But you can ask other people to do it. And I know when I
say this to my friends who are married, for example. I they’ll say, You know what? It’s easier for me to do it myself and get it done properly than to expect somebody else in the family to do it. And
that may be true, but sometimes we’ve got to let go of the expectation that the way we do it is the only way to do it. The way I would look at this is to share the insights and ask for the help when

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you’re not in the heat of the moment. Have a Family Planning party, you know, make it a party or a family planning meeting and saying, Okay, the next six weeks, here are all the things that are in the
calendar. Here are the pieces of the puzzle that need to come together in order for this to run smoothly, and so I can enjoy the holidays with you. And who wants to take what responsibility and then
give them a deadline and write it down and let the other person know who’s agreed now to help that that’s their responsibility. But I think one of the keys is when we ask somebody to do something that
we don’t continually bug them until it’s done, because some people like to leave it to the very, very last minute, and I know that can drive you crazy, but sometimes that’s as good as as it’s going to
get. And if you spend all your time worrying and nagging and asking and asking and asking and asking because you’re assuming and not trusting that it’s actually going to get done, then all you’ve done

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is added this whole other level of stress that is not necessary. So here’s the thing, if somebody else in your family or in your circle doesn’t do what they agreed to do, then whatever they agreed to
do just isn’t done, but you swooping in and doing it at the last minute is probably not going to empower them to actually get it done. Just let it, let it be on that one okay, here’s the other thing,
if you want to say no to something, say no. I know we like why did I say no to or Yes to going out at this party? I don’t want to go. I want to be home in my PJs and watching Hallmark movies or
whatever it is that you want to do. And yet I think we feel very obligated to go. It is okay to say no, and you don’t need to have a huge long explanation as to why you can’t go, just say, Listen,
I’ve already got a commitment, and maybe the commitment is you and a box of chocolates. Doesn’t matter. I’ve got a commitment. I can’t make it. Thanks so much for the invite. Keep me on the list for

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next year if you want to be kept on the list for next year. But here’s the thing, if you say yes, that means, of course, you have to go. But something to consider is go early or stay late, just not
both. Don’t party. Maybe somebody says, Hey, come on over to our house anytime after eight o’clock. Well, maybe you go right at 805, and you get the the early wave of people, and then you say, Listen,
I came early because I need to leave by about 930

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again, no explanation required. You’ve got to get home and protect your sleep, because you’re, you know, you need to sleep, and you like to go to bed early. Just do that. Or if you love the late time,
then show up at 10 o’clock say, Hey, listen, I can’t wait to be at your party. I’m going to get there a little bit later than I would like, but I’ll be there about 10 o’clock or so, and then we’ll
enjoy into the wee hours of the morning. Then you have that extra time for relaxation or a new task or anything you need to do. So go early, stay late, not both. Another key is managing your energy.
So all of us have our own body’s rhythm. I love to get my best work done often in the morning. And that means if I go to bed early, I can get up nice and early get my work done, and then I kind of
have a lot more freedom for the day. And in the evenings, I don’t like to do a whole lot past a late time, like maybe, you know, 830 I don’t know, maybe that sounds silly, but you know, if I’m out

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having fun, of course, I’ll stay out late, but not as a general rule. And I think when we know our body’s rhythm and we can play to that strength, then we can choose when we’re going to put things in
to our calendar, because we’re not, we’re not going against our grain. And if your body you need a nap or you need a workout, like, figure out what it is that you need that will keep you in optimal
health, so that you can go into the holidays and enjoy and not feel rundown. Because I think physically, we get really rundown. There are a lot of more people out shopping and, you know, the germs and
all of that. So keep yourself healthy, and know what the key is to keep you, keeping you healthy, and recognize your body’s rhythm so that you can honor that. And like I know that if I have a late,
late night out, then the next day, I’m pretty much useless. So if I end up going out to a friend’s dancing and, or, you know, to a house party or something, and we have lots of wine and, and it just

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gets a little out of hand. And. And I don’t get home till well after midnight, then chances are the next day I’m not going to have a productive day, which sometimes that’s totally okay if you are in
the hustle and bustle of the holidays and you need to figure out how, you know, how can you best, you know, take care of yourself? Well, maybe having that late night or having that extra glass of wine
or eggnog or whatever it is you like to enjoy is not a great idea. So put a boundary around that. Another thing that I think is so critical to you creating a stress free holiday season is to stay away
from toxic people. Now I mentioned this at the top of the show, and you’re thinking, well, how can I because my aunt or my uncle or my, you know, cousin or my sibling, like whoever it is, or my in
laws are, you know, make digs and are kind of cruel and judgmental and all of that, like I you know, what if somebody says to you, like, do you really need to eat that? Like, it just sends shivers up

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and down my spine. So in the old days, I would have defended, I would have been like, well, you know, it’s one time a year. And you know, I love turkey and dressing and gravy and all of that and and,
you know, I’ll lose weight later and all that. Now, I’ll be like, Yep, I do, thanks. Just shut it down. Because if somebody else is toxic and they’re interacting with you, it doesn’t mean that you
need to accept their toxicity. It’s totally within your control to shut it down. Don’t engage. Just simply don’t give them a response. A bully does not know how to react when you don’t engage, if you
just let it blow off. I remember, actually, there was a story. I was in a meeting with a group I’m involved with, and one of the the people in the group was very feisty that day and feeling really
frustrated with things that were going on and decisions that were being made around the boardroom table and and, you know, she mentioned something to me, and I was like, oh, okay, great. And moved on.

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Then I got a call later from somebody in the room, and she said, you know, Ali, gosh, I’m so sorry that you had to go through that and all this. I’m like, What are you talking about? She’s like, Oh,
well. She was like, really upset that we had made that decision and that you were supporting it, and it was like, oh gosh, who cares? Like, I didn’t even engage because I chose not to go into the
drama. I didn’t get into the gossip. I didn’t get into the emotional side of trying to figure out what the other person’s intent is. And I think that that’s in our control to do. And so often we allow
that somebody else is interacting with us, and that controls how we react. But I think we can flip it and be like, if we don’t like how somebody is approaching us, we just shut it down. We don’t have
to be rude. We can be polite about it. I don’t love gossip. So if somebody is telling me something about, you know, oh, so and so is doing this, or so and so is doing that. And I really try to stay

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away from judgments of both myself and other people and comparison. So I just say, Oh, well, that’s great for them. And oh, I hope them the best, or I hope that everything works out and shut down the
conversation, and I change the conversation. And I think learning how to do that has made a lot of my interactions with people feel less traumatic, and more makes me feel more confident, and it allows
me the space, and I hope it will allow allow you the space to to just enjoy the good and The joyfulness that can be

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a part of interacting with people and being around other people. We don’t have to, you know, get negative, and if somebody has a pattern that triggers you, I want you to figure out what that trigger
is in advance. Don’t wait until you’re sitting at the dinner table and now you’re like boiling, you know, upset, and you’re you want to pull your hair out instead. Think in the early time, think now
and go, Okay, last year, what were my highlights of the season? What did I love about the Christmas season those I’m going to call it about six weeks early. And what did I love doing? And what are the
moments that I remember that made me feel like I wasn’t enjoying the holidays, and I just wanted to get to the new year and actually map that out and then see if there are some patterns. See if there
are some people who maybe you don’t want to spend time with this year, and that’s okay, or maybe you need to spend time with them, but change the way you’re interacting with those people so that it’s

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not a judgmental, drama filled, gossipy, negative environment up to you, you are in control. I really hope that helps, and you find something in there that will work for you, either looking at your
strategy and all the tasks and the To Do lists that need to get done, and saying, okay, if I’m. Going to take that on in the next six weeks, or add that to my plate, then this week, I’m not going to
be able to do this, whatever that task is. So add, add, delete, delete, when you can ask for help. Delegate, if that means you need to pay somebody to do it, if maybe you don’t have just that extra 50
bucks for another Christmas gift. Nobody’s gonna miss it. You could actually put that money to helping you enjoy the holidays a little bit better, asking others in the family to step up, but giving
them advance notice so that they are not, you know, in the thick of things going well, what do you need me to do? And you know, like, have the conversation early, because we’ve all been there. I mean,

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that’s just how families work, right? And letting them take responsibility, trusting whoever you ask that they’re going to do it. And if they drop the ball and there’s no cheesecake at dinner or no
icing for the cake, you know what, then eat dry cake. Who cares? It’s not going to ruin the holiday. Nobody’s there just for the food. They’re there to communicate and connect with the family. If you
say you want to go go, but if you don’t want to go, when you get the invitation, say no, even if it means going you don’t want to go to your office Christmas party. If you don’t like it and you hate
it, or your spouse hates it and it’s miserable and it just causes a fight. Say No, that’s fine. Make an excuse. It’s okay, but you don’t even need to give an expectation an explanation. You can just
say, You know what? We have another commitment. I can’t be there. Life is too short to do things we don’t want to do. And if you are going and you feel jammed, think about from the perspective of you

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can either go early or you can stay late, but you don’t have to do both. Now, I think that’s a really valuable lesson that I used to use when I worked for I was a columnist in the newspaper, and I had
to go to events and cover what was going on, and I used to go and be a part of the event. I didn’t just show up and do like the journalist thing. I was a columnist, so I integrated, but I had rules
around that the only way I could go to multiple events, or the way I could maintain my sanity and still recharge for my own physical health was to either go early, stay later, but not do both, unless
I was having a phenomenal time. And then the last piece is really that staying away from toxic people, and if you need to be in front of people who trigger you figure out what those triggers are, so
make an advanced plan with this. And also, you know you have the power to shut it down if it’s going in a direction that doesn’t work for you, put up a boundary, stop the conversation, and shut that

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energy out, because that is within your power. And the last thing I’m going to recommend is start now make a list. And I think I’ve already talked about this, but go through and look at last year and
plan for this year. Okay, these are all the events we are going to do. Is this reasonable? Is this a reasonable expectation of a human being? If it is, then great. If not, what can you delete from the
list? What are the tasks? So if you’re having a dinner, break it down into I’ve got to grocery shop. Okay, what do I need to buy at the groceries? Am I the best person to go grocery shopping, or is it
better for me to do it online and pick it up in the drive through on the way home from work? There are whole bunch of different strategies that you can find if you look at things, not from a stressful
perspective, but from an obstacle perspective, and getting all of that stuff done is just another obstacle when we take the emotion out of it, and if we take the emotion out of it, we can enjoy the

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process. And that’s my hope for you, that this holiday season, whatever it is you’re doing to celebrate, you are going to have an amazing, joyful time with people who you love and who care about you,
and you’re just gonna make memories. That’s the awesome thing. Now the resiliency ninja podcast, we do 10 weeks in a row, and then I take two weeks off, and on Tuesday will be the 10th week, so
that’ll be episode 40. And in that case, I will be gone for two weeks, then I’ll come back in December, and I’ll probably, I don’t know how I’ll work that, because this is my first year, but I might
take some time off over holidays as well. Who knows? I’ll look at my strategy and my list, and I’ll figure out what’s manageable. How’s that for a deal? We’ll just play it by ear if you need anything
in the meantime, if you are in the process of planning a conference in your company, you know the work I do and I go in and speak is really about how do you manage and that stress, that high change

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environment in an office environment, so being resilient at work every day and embracing your inner resiliency. Ninja. So you can look on my website for speech ideas or my key speeches that people
hire me for, and I would love a recommendation. If you would be willing to do that, that’d be fantastic. If you know somebody who needs to hear this message, please be sure to share this podcast. And
also, if you know someone who. So you’re buying for this Christmas gift, and they’re maybe an entrepreneur or a high achieving professional, and they’re going through obstacle after obstacle, and you
feel like they’ve had a really difficult year, then I’m going to ask you to buy them my book for a Christmas present. You can get it married. My mom birthed the dog. How to be resilient when life
sucks. We’ve all been there at some point, and it’s available through your favorite retailer. You can get that and, of course, shipping in plenty of time for Canada for Christmas. So that’s what I

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will recommend again. Thank you for being a part of the listener community. I love getting to do this, and I look forward to talking with you next time. Bye for now.

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Unknown: This podcast is a part of the C suite radio network. For more top business podcasts, visit C sweet radio.com you.

 

 

 

 

 

Check out Allison’s books:

Married My Mom Birthed A Dog: How to be Resilient When Life Sucks

From Business Cards to Business Relationships: Personal Branding and Profitable Networking Made Easy

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Website: www.allisongraham.co

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