It’s not big versus small problems. It’s tasks versus obstacles versus adversities. Understand that so you can use the right resilience technique to deal with each type of issue. Tasks=DO, Obstacles=SOLVE, Adversities=ENDURE.
If you’ve ever felt like your mind is swirling in one big tangled up mess of stress and you want a simple system to get context and take control of your stress then THIS is the video you need to watch!! This is especially important if you are leading people who are stressed and need a common language to help your team become better problem solvers.
Stop the Stress Swirl Video Transcript:
00:00:00] Allison Graham: Why am I using these Christmas lights? I call this the stress swirl. Because this tangled up mess probably what it feels like in your mind if you have a problem with, anxiety, feeling overwhelmed, way too many things on your plate, just juggling a whole bunch of different priorities.
[00:00:18] Here you go. Yeah.
[00:00:20] There’s lots of different issues all clouding up your mind, and it’s really hard to get the space and the objectivity. So this is your mind. Right. Swirling around with this tangled [00:00:30] up stress mess. We gotta bring some context to this so that you can start to feel some control over your life and, deal with the stress.
[00:00:39] Now remember I was working with one of my clients and he’s like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it Allie. There are different kind of issues. We all know that there’s big problems and small problems and don’t sweat the small stuff. And I’m like, no. See, yes, there are big problems and little problems, but if you wanna take control of your stress, that’s sort of like don’t sweat the small [00:01:00] stuff and don’t take it personally
[00:01:00] stuff is not going to help you get there. Instead, it’s not big versus small. It’s task versus obstacle versus adversity. Okay. Very important. And these lights are gonna extra illustrate why.
[00:01:18] The reason this is so important is because we apply the right resilience strategy to the right issue.
[00:01:26] And with David. My favorite client story that I tell [00:01:30] in my keynotes he was using, like so many people do these interchangeably. The obstacles and the adversities as if they were the same thing. And that’s a problem because you can’t solve a true adversity.
[00:01:51] And you don’t have to endure the obstacles once you’ve solved them so task, do [00:02:00] obstacle solve, adversities, endure. If we, first of all, leave them all in our head, if you would like you to put the hat back on, I can do that. If we leave ’em all in our mind, we cannot be objective about it. If we leave them all tangled up together and we just go, oh my gosh, I’m so stressed, I can’t stand it.
[00:02:18] We cannot have context and we can’t fix it and we can’t take control. But if we separate them and we write down. All the issues that you’re dealing with. It’s the first thing I do with my, coaching clients is [00:02:30] like, okay, what’s going on? Get specific and you write ’em down, write ’em down, write ’em down, and hey, it might take you 15 minutes, it might take you an hour, but it’s gonna be so worth it.
[00:02:38] And then we’re gonna categorize and we’re gonna Name it. It’s the first step in my framework to strategic resilience.
[00:02:44] You cannot use the same strategy for the three types of issues that will cause you stress. And typically what happens when [00:03:00] I find somebody can’t get control of their stress, when they’re really feeling overloaded and overwhelmed is they are turning their tasks, treating them like obstacles and taking their obstacles and treating them like they’re adversities and oh my God, the whole world is ending when really it’s just they gotta figure out how they’re gonna deal with it.
[00:03:21] And these big life adversity the things that are really the true shifts in our path. [00:03:30] They try to ignore them and minimize them and try to productivity their way out of them and not give themselves the space to really deal with it.
[00:03:37] See tasks, those are the things you need to do on a day-to-day basis. They will never stop. You’ll never reach the end of your to-do list.
[00:03:43] It is called a to do circle, that’s what I call it, because it just keeps going round and round and round and round. And a list insinuates that one day it is going to end. It’s not. Just accept it. Those are all the little green things that we’ve gotta look at separately, and those [00:04:00] are a different type of stress.
[00:04:01] There is pressure and the things that we want to be really productive and just get them done. The green is like GO and we’ve got to create some systems. All right, so those are the tasks and they’re clouding up all of our judgment. But then. We have, see, look, the task, they just never end. I knew these things would illustrate
[00:04:27] so we’ve got all these tasks that need to get [00:04:30] done, and often what we do in society is we glamorize, I’ve got so much to do, I’ve got so much on my plate, and we can almost complain more about all the stuff we have to do than actually just get it done. Or we tend to do things the way we’ve always done them before and we just don’t, find the right systems.
[00:04:49] But if it’s a green, if it’s a thing that just once you finish it it’s gonna be off your list or out of the task circle. We just gotta get it done. But that leaves these [00:05:00] doozies and within here there are two, there’s the yellows there’s the obstacles, and the obstacles are those are the issues that you need to solve.
[00:05:09] But the thing is, you can’t just task your way through them. You’ve gotta look at them objectively and go okay, what am I gonna do with these?
[00:05:20] What am I gonna do with all these obstacles? Okay. And obstacles again, will never stop. This is, this is what you are paid to do. You are [00:05:30] paid to fix obstacles for most of us, if you’re in a leadership role or creating or running a business or just having something, it’s obstacle after obstacle after obstacle after obstacle.
[00:05:39] And it’s you know, when I was working with this guy, David he is like, yeah, I want the problems to stop. I’m like, they’re never gonna stop. But if we can get really objective, if we can get them out of our tangled up stress mess right in our mind the obstacles, those are the things that you need to solve.
[00:05:55] And again, when they’re all tangled up together with the tasks and the [00:06:00] obstacles there’s no context. There’s no way to actually know, okay, those are the things I need to do. Pull the bandaid off, get it done. These are the things I need to solve, means I gotta look at them objectively.
[00:06:10] I’ve gotta go, okay, how am I gonna, where’s this string and where’s that string? And they’re just, we just gotta figure out how to solve them. Okay, we’re gonna put ’em over here. But then there’s these and these. These are the bad ones. Well, they aren’t always bad, but they’re the adversities. [00:06:30] And these are the issues that will forever change you the way you know your life to be.
[00:06:35] These are the red ones. These are the things that you can’t solve, that you can’t do your way out of. And sometimes they’re really big. Red ones. Um, but like if you were to think in terms of tasks might remember in five days, obstacles might [00:07:00] remember in five weeks, maybe five months. Adversities, you are going to remember in five years.
[00:07:10] Or even 50 years, they’re the big life changes. And for me it’s chronic pain and grief and different health challenges, uh, which can sort of go into the obstacle category on those ones. And for you, it could be so many different things. You get married and that could be like a really good, big life [00:07:30] changing adversity.
[00:07:31] But what happens is if we look, if we get it out and we can be objective and we go, okay, that’s a task.
[00:07:37] Those are my obstacles and these are my adversities. We’re gonna figure out is there a better way to do these? Can I get them done faster? How can I pull the bandaid off? No muss, no fuss, no drama, no complaining. Just. Pull ’em off, pull the bandaid off, get ’em done. These, we’re gonna get really strategic, [00:08:00] really objective about the obstacles.
[00:08:02] We’re gonna figure out how am I gonna go past and deal with those? Just a bit of a co caution. And the reds. Those are the things that we need to give ourselves the space and the grace to endure, to go through the human experience. Because what happens is often people will go through a true life adversity.
[00:08:24] And these really, steal [00:08:30] our our capacity, our emotion, they feel heavy or are just all consuming, even if they’re light, right? If you’re having a baby or getting married. Like how exciting, right? But the life you used to know is gone.
[00:08:44] Right? The way it’s different, but we have to give ourselves the space and the grace to deal with that. The challenges is in life. We first of all can convolute all this stuff together, tangle it all up, [00:09:00] and we glorify these tasks and we minimize the adversities. And really what we need to do is we need to feel process.
[00:09:17] Experience all of the true adversities. Get these done and stop talking about them like they’re just part of your life. And these, this is where you make your money. This is where you bring your value in solving the [00:09:30] obstacles. This is where your true character can shine through,
[00:09:33] Travel’s a big one, especially here at the holidays as we’re dealing with all of these, right? And people find travel really stressful. If you’re in the airport a lot and the green is getting your ticket. Getting in line, getting through security, showing up at your gate on time, et cetera. And you know what?
[00:09:50] That’s just what you gotta get done. The obstacle is you now have a flight delayed or your flight is canceled and how quickly can [00:10:00] you get rebooked without complaining? And, getting into heated arguments, how, what if you’re late? That could be another obstacle. But once you figure it out, it’ll be fine.
[00:10:10] You might be uncomfortable and. I think I did a video on my channel about obstacles in the airport. That’s the obstacle. An adversity is your plane rolls on the runway, right? And you live to [00:10:30] tell the tale or you land in the Hudson. God, I love that movie. Sully, if you’ve ever seen it, but like that’s an adversity.
[00:10:38] It’s forever gonna change the way you know your life to be. And there’s some emotional processing and fear and all those different things that need to be endured with that. Do see the difference, right? And if we think about our life, not just in travel, when somebody gets a cancer diagnosis, where would you put that?
[00:10:57] That is an adversity. If you [00:11:00] lose somebody you love, that’s a great big one. So I have these big adversity lights, believe I’m gonna put this out there, but I totally am because you know what? It is gonna help somebody. It is going to help somebody understand. That if they’re feeling stressed, they’ve gotta give context everything that they’re stressed about.
[00:11:21] I’m not laughing at the situation. I mean, this is, although fun to laugh sometimes when you just go, ah, when I work with people on this, it’s so [00:11:30] powerful another buddy of mine, Brant, he understood it finally ’cause he never understood either he was doing what David was doing, he was using the obstacles and the adversities like they’re the same thing. And I’m like, no, they’re not. Um, because he was trying to solve his biggest life adversities. If you’ve ever heard him speak, he talks about how his son has a cancer diagnosis and ultimately, uh, did lose the battle and the, the anguish of grief, [00:12:00] if you’re trying to solve it, you can’t.
[00:12:06] And it’s that that friction. if you’re facing a huge life adversity and instead of enduring it and allowing yourself to process the emotions, the heaviness, and giving yourself the space and the grace for that, and you’re just trying to power your way through it and solve it.
[00:12:25] You can’t solve the big stuff. You have to endure it. [00:12:30] And then you’ve got all these tasks that are gonna get in the way that just gotta get outta the way. Gotta get outta the way, get ’em done. You need a good productivity strategy. If you do not know how to get done. You need to look at one of my programs because to tell you, I got obsessed with that because I thought by becoming more productive in my life, by being able to get all my tasks done and write my columns and everything faster and more easily, that this stuff would go away.
[00:12:56] No, no. This stuff sticks with [00:13:00] you and it overshadows everything else, but if you are going through all these adversities and you’re drowning in the tasks, okay, I think I’m taking this light thing way too far, and I hope you get it. So a couple other things to think about here, where you really get control if you’re going through something huge right now.
[00:13:24] A friend of mine her mom just got diagnosed with a really, uh, difficult [00:13:30] cancer. And so that is this huge big red ball, okay? And she’s not really great at compartmentalizing. And so what’s happening is it exaggerates every obstacle and it makes the tasks feel like they are the adversities.
[00:13:55] And so what I’m working with her on is saying, okay, look, [00:14:00] we gotta get, figure out what are the bare minimum of the tasks that you need to get done to keep your job alive, to keep your role, to keep your team happy and served, and so that you’re not dropping the ball there.
[00:14:11] Then let’s set a time and look at all the obstacles that are coming out. So, um, sometimes the obstacle is you don’t know how to get all this stuff done, and then be really strategic about that, but not allow this overarching huge issue [00:14:30] adversity that you’re facing in your life cloud, all of these obstacles and turn them into adversities.
[00:14:41] Yeah. And the other thing here that I wanna say about this on my little Christmas, uh, Christmas special on stress is from every adversity comes new obstacles. And [00:15:00] when you’ve solved the obstacles, you know how you implement them. Tasks. So if we can at least take our situation from our mind and change it from being this huge tangled up stress mess to being three separate piles that we allow ourselves the space and the grace and the strategy and the accountability to do, solve or endure,[00:15:30]
[00:15:31] we can start to feel a little bit of control over our lives. I have no magic wand to take away all these things. And you know what? A lot of you are like Allie, my to-do circle is a lot more than those lights. Uh, there’s like, it’s like thousands of things, right? That ultimately you need to get done in a month and you probably got hundreds of obstacles that you have to continually overcome. It works the other way too.
[00:15:54] If you have too many tasks left undone, it will ultimately create new obstacles. Too many obstacles. Left [00:16:00] unsolved will create new adversities. And if you have baby adversities that then turn into great big ones health diagnosis, losing your job, having regret, right? But having the objectivity to go what are all the things that are swirling around in my mind right now? I call it the tangled up stress mess. We need to untangle the and when we untangle it, and we do that [00:16:30] by pulling each one of them out of our mind and putting it down on pen and paper. And the reason I always tell people, to do pen and paper and I do it myself, is because we cannot be objective about a thought while we’re having the thought.
[00:16:48] Think about that. Can’t be objective about the thought AKA, the issue while we’re thinking about the issue. But if we put it out on black and white, we go, okay, that’s a whole bunch of tasks. [00:17:00] That’s an obstacle. The hope there is if you’ve, all you’ve got are obstacles, you’ve got hope because obstacles can be solved if you are financially really struggling.
[00:17:09] You can get out there and figure out an additional way to make income, right? If you’re outta shape and you’re really struggling with your energy, that’s an obstacle that can be solved now. There are other kinds of adversities. You know, it’s an adversity when there is no solution, when you cannot make it [00:17:30] stop.
[00:17:31] I probably should have told you how I came up with this. Um, it wasn’t the lights, it was post-it notes, and it was after my neurologist told me my pain would never go away, and I was really struggling with my pain.
[00:17:43] It was post-surgical nerve pain, and I was professionally showing up with a smile on my face. And I was collapsing behind the scenes and I was this like tangled up stress mess right in my mind. And I’m like, I can’t take it [00:18:00] anymore. So anyway, I got down on my living room floor and I put post-it notes and I just took every strand, every little light right out and I put it on a piece of paper.
[00:18:11] And then I started separating them into, what will I remember in five days? Five weeks, five months and five years. And that’s how I created the system where it’s not just big versus small problems, it’s tasks, obstacles and adversities. [00:18:30] And figuring out how do we actually move forward with each one of them.
[00:18:34] And that gave me so much freedom and so much hope because when you’re facing the adversities, we have to respect the human experience. And you know what? It’s gonna suck. Every part of it is gonna suck. It’s gonna feel emotional. We’ve gotta give ourselves the space and the gut wrench, but it can overshadow everything else if we don’t know how to compartmentalize and take things apart. Anyway, [00:19:00] time to put away the lights. It’s a little long, but I hope you get it.
[00:19:07] I really do, because I know how this has helped people and I just, for me, it’s so obvious now because I just am like, oh, you know what? I’m totally swirling. This is an obstacle. I just gotta solve it, and I’m turning it into an adversity and acting like it’s the end of the world. It’s not. It’s just, I gotta be a little bit creative and objective and get specific and the whole problem solving system on that.
[00:19:29] But like the [00:19:30] tasks, if those are hanging over your head and you’re turning those into obstacles, that is your power move right now. Just get ’em done. Right. And if the obstacle is Allie, I don’t have enough time to get them done. Yes, that’s an obstacle. Step back. Look, solve it. That’s how they all work together.
[00:19:48] But if you can get different piles, you can be empowered to make the next best step. And that is step one in my strategic [00:20:00] resilience framework. We’re gonna Name it, is it a Task Obstacle Adversity? And then we are going to Aim it on the Resilience Response Matrix,
[00:20:09] and then we are going to Reframe it because that is how we get through these things and make these things easier while respecting the truth of the adversities. So task obstacle, adversity do solve, [00:20:30] endure. Take that tangled up. Stress mess. Get it outta your head. My hope for you is that in 2026 you will stress less while achieving even more and being happier while you do it. Here’s to untangling the stress mess.
